Assorted Nonsense

Blossom is gone. She’s been missing since the night of the flood. I expect she’s all right, just living elsewhere. At least I hope so. I don’t really like cats, but I like her. And my other two cats.

It’s just other peoples’ cats I don’t like.

Anyway if you see her, tell her I said hi. Ask her if she wouldn’t mind dropping us a line sometime. Ask her if there’s anything she needs. She can always come back and get it, no questions asked. It’d be terrific to see her again.

Even if only for a little while.

The other day I ran into a gentleman I hadn’t seen in a long time. He was someone I really looked up to. Although he was retired now, he had taught me a lot about the work that I do. I considered us friends, and it was good to see him again.

We shook hands, chatted for a bit, and then he said, “What was your name again?”

Clearly I had not made as much of an impression on him as he had on me.

Nevertheless I took the opportunity to convey to him just how much I felt he had taught me during the time we had worked together. I explained at some length how important I felt it was to continue his legacy, and how I had worked hard to do so.

I made the mistake of taking a breath at one point. “Right,” he said. “Well, I have to go now.”

Probably I had embarrassed the man, and that’s why he left so abruptly. Or maybe he just had to pee.

Did the encounter undermine the respect I have for the man?

Of course not.

But it was damned amusing.

Just in case you haven’t seen it yet…

Has the large hadron collider destroyed the world yet?

Okay, just a little more about the flood in the basement.

We’re working on an inventory of all the damaged goods. We live in a bungalow, and the basement was mostly finished, so at least half of what we own was down there. And a whole lot of it was contaminated by the sewage water. The list is already up to almost one thousand items.

We’re also pricing everything. Our insurance is for both replacement value and actual cash value, depending on whether we intend to actually replace everything within 120 days. We’ll replace as much as we can. But what a job pricing everything. Some items we know the price; others we can only guess at. And what do I do for my vinyl collection, all of which I lost? My old VHS tapes? Do I price vinyl at the cost of a CD? Do I price VHS at the cost of a DVD?

I have no idea.

Do you?

Courtesy of Karl Johanson:

The 2008 winner of the The Bookseller/Diagram Prize for Oddest Title of the Year, is “Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers.”

http://www.thebookseller.com/news/66454-diagram-victory-for-greek-postmen.html

Past winners are:

1978 Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice. Various authors
1979 The Madam as Entrepreneur: Career Management in House Prostitution. Barbara Sherman Heyl
1980 The Joy of Chickens. Dennis Nolan
1981 Last Chance at Love – Terminal Romances. Various authors
1982 Population and Other Problems: Family Planning, Housing 1,000 million, Labour Employment. Various authors
1983 The Theory of Lengthwise Rolling. A. I. Tselikov, G. S. Nikitin and S. E. Rokotyan
1984 The Book of Marmalade: Its Antecedents, Its History, and Its Role in the World Today. Anne Wilson
1985 Natural Bust Enlargement with Total Power: How to Increase the other 90% of Your Mind to Increase the Size of Your Breasts. Donald L. Wilson
1986 Oral Sadism and the Vegetarian Personality. Glenn C. Ellenbogen
1987 No Award
1988 Versailles: The View From Sweden. Elaine Dee and Guy Walton
1989 How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art. Kathleen Meyer
1990 Lesbian Sadomasochism Safety Manual. Pat Califia
1991 No Award
1992 How to Avoid Huge Ships. John W. Trimmer
1993 American Bottom Archaeology. Charles J. Bareis and James W. Porter
1994 Highlights in the History of ConcreteSlough: Cement and Concrete Association
1995 Reusing Old Graves: A Report on Popular British Attitudes. Douglas Davies and Alastair Shaw
1996 Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers. Edited by Derek Willan
1997 The Joy of Sex, the Pocket Edition. Mitchell Beazley
1998 Developments in Dairy Cow Breeding: New Opportunities to Widen the Use of Straw. Gareth Williams
1999 Weeds in a Changing WorldBritish Crop Protection Council Symposium Proceedings No. 64
2000 High Performance Stiffened Structures. IMechE (Institution of Mechanical Engineers)
2001 Butterworths Corporate Manslaughter Service. Gerard Forlin
2002 Living with Crazy Buttocks. Kaz Cooke
2003 The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories. Alisa Surkis and Monica Nolan
2004 Bombproof Your Horse. Rick Pelicano and Lauren Tjaden
2005 People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It. Gary Leon Hill
2006 The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification. Julian Montague
2007 If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start with Your Legs. Big Boom