Assorted Nonsense

(Slightly updated)
So the other night I was reading Spiderman to the girls, a nightly ritual these days (the original Stan Lee/Steve Ditko collection) when I happened to notice the girls writing letters. They were letters to the Tooth Fairy.

“Girls, the Tooth Fairy won’t come unless you’ve actually lost a tooth,” I told them.

They were very coy. Finally I figured out that one of them had actually lost a tooth, they just didn’t want to tell their parents. One of the kids in their class had suggested they do this to see if the Tooth Fairy would still come.

I’m happy to report that the Tooth Fairy did come, and this is what she had to say:

April 15th, 2009
Holy unicorn girls! You sure do lose a lot of teeth! That’s two in a row, E. Do you have any teeth left?
And lots more questions, which is good, because as you know I LOVE questions.
Last time I started with E, so even though it was you who lost the tooth again E, I will answer K’s questions first this time just to be fair. I know you girls are fair so I know you won’t mind. (Although you left me three notes this time and didn’t sign two of them so I had to figure out who wrote which one! I think I figured it out because by now I know your handwriting)
K:
Yes, Kai’s parents have saved me a bit of work by doing all the Tooth Fairy work in her house. She stopped believing, which is kind of sad, but I don’t mind because she doesn’t have to believe if she doesn’t want to. You can tell her that I still believe in her.
Yes K, I like being the Tooth Fairy very much. Sometimes I go out in public but never as the Tooth Fairy. I go out as a cat sometimes, and once I went out as a zebra, but that was in Africa, and another time I went as an old lady, and a little girl recognized me even though I was in disguise, so I had to get her to promise not to tell anyone. And she never told anyone except for her little sister, who couldn’t talk yet, so that was okay.
No, I have never seen you when you were awake, because I don’t like to spy on people. My Easter was great, thank you! The Easter Rabbit brought me a tiny chocolate egg, which was very nice of him. Yes, I know Santa and the Easter Bunny, but I have never met the Sandman. Isn’t he a bad guy in a Spiderman comic? Or is that another Sandman?
I’m afraid I don’t have any pictures of me in J.K. because I never went to J.K. But here is a picture of my best friend. Her name is Lilah (that’s me on the left… it’s not a Thursday so I have blonde hair):

Yes, I did know that you have guinea pigs. They are the cutest guinea pigs I have ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of guinea pigs.
I’m afraid I can’t give E wings. For one thing I would have to have permission from your parents before I gave her wings, and for another I don’t have that kind of magic. Here’s what I CAN do, if you like: I could give E giant purple spots all over her head, or I could make it so that her left foot is bigger than her right foot, but only on Saturdays, and again only if I had your parent’s permission. And I don’t think they would like either of those, especially because the purple spots would be quite itchy. It’s not great magic, but it’s the best that I can do. Most of my really good magic has to do with teeth, which is why I’m the Tooth Fairy.
I was just born as a Tooth Fairy, the way that you were born twins, which is also quite magical, you know. I sure wish I had a twin. Although at least I have a best friend, Lilah.
I don’t really know how I control my wings, I just do. I think about making them flutter, and they do!
I’m afraid I can’t do anything to prove that I exist to people. Either they believe, or they don’t (sniff!)
Now onto E’s questions:
I’m not sure what you mean by making one of your teeth alive. Do you mean turn it into a little tooth person? That would be kind of cute, but I’m not sure it would be fair to the tooth. It might not want to be a little tooth person. It might want to just be a tooth.
And I already told your sister that as much as I might want to, I can’t give you wings. I would love to give you wings! But I can’t because that’s the kind of magic I have. I’m sorry! I hope that doesn’t make you mad at me. I don’t think you would be mad at me, though, because I don’t think you’re that kind of person. I don’t think you would get mad just because I couldn’t give you something. I think you’re nice people, you and your sister.
The Easter Bunny doesn’t take notes because everybody’s different. You would have to ask him why, but he probably wouldn’t tell you why because although a wonderful bunny, he’s kind of private. Some rabbits are like that.
I’m afraid I can’t help you to see S in Sunshine camp again, because I can’t just take her away from her parents. They would be very worried if I just took her away one night and brought her to your house. Also, I’m usually very small and wouldn’t be able to carry her that far. I can tell you though that she does think about you girls, and she misses you just as much as you miss her. She thought you were good friends.
No, I can’t turn things into fairies. You have to be born a fairy. And yes, I have met naughty children who pretended that rocks were teeth. I didn’t like that very much. Okay, here’s what I looked like when I was six:
I know you wouldn’t tell anyone, but I can’t ever let anyone see me in person the way I really look. It’s a fairy rule, and if I were to ever break a fairy rule, I wouldn’t be able to be a fairy anymore, and that would make me very sad. I would leave you one of my hairs but that’s another fairy rule: never leave anything behind, especially your hair. My hair is very magical. You could use it to travel through time, and that could get you in a lot of trouble. So I’m really, really sorry, but I can’t do that.
You’ve asked me to do a lot of stuff for you today, and I’m sorry that I can’t do any of it because of the rules. I really, really, really, really hope we can still be friends.
Oh, there is one thing I can do. I can sprinkle fairy dust on Fred. Except that I don’t know who Fred is because you forgot to tell me!
Tell me next time and I’ll be sure to sprinkle fairy dust on him.
Thanks for the Ellie comic, I really like it! You girls are great artists. I just love your drawings.
Well, so long! Don’t forget to brush your teeth up and down and all around!
Love,
Your friend,
The Tooth Fairy